Nightmare on Ash Street

Joani and I had a bit of an argument; she went over to friend’s house to play cards. When she came back she had a beer in her hand. I was outraged! How could she do that? We agreed to “fast for the Lord”. No alcohol or drugs during lent. I noticed on top of the refrigerator was a half gallon of “Old Granddad” bourbon whiskey.


I shouted “you want to see somebody drink?” I grabbed the bottle and gulped down enough to poison me. All the spiritual turmoil came to a boiling point, as I flew into a rage. I asked them if they wanted to see demons, I commanded Joani to leave with me, threatening to kill her. She agreed to go with me and accompanied me to the door. In one neat move she shoved me through the open door and locked it behind her. I demanded they let me in. They refused.

I got in our Suburban. I cranked it up and pulled the vehicle into the driveway. I proceeded to pull up to the front door and I positioned the corner of the bumper on to the front door of the apartment. I yelled, “If you don’t let me in, I will break down the door”!.....

My atonement

A few days later when I checked the cookie tin our money was getting thin. We had let the lab up on the mountain, simply running from the problem when I was confronted with my sin. I had in mind to manufacture some methamphetamine; I need a lab to pull it off. I had previously done some research, and I believed that I could construct a reduction vessel out of 316 grade stainless steel. Running the numbers over in my mind, the plan was already in motion. I was going to put the equipment together, buy a massive amount of chemicals and have one more run in the criminal side of life. http://thegracepapers.blogspot.com/2010/04/who-is-this-jesus.html
God had made my sin known to me and I had a plan to do what I wanted and at the same time atone for my sin.
I was going to cook one more batch, a huge batch, maybe a hundred pounds or more. I would sell the product and give HALF THE MONEY TO THE CHURCH! I know you are laughing and I also bet that you do the same thing. We all justify our moral dilemma, conducting some sort of religious penance in order to move our little schemes forward.

Joani and I were staying with some friends in Clarkston. They lived in an apartment on Ash Street. I was watching the news that night and I saw that it was Fat Tuesday. My mind began to race, “Fat Tuesday! Ash street, Ash Wednesday!, I knew what I was going to do! Joani and her friend Teresa came in the front door, where I confronted them. “Tomorrow is the first day of Lent, and we are going to fast for the Lord!”

I had in an instant concocted the plan. Not only would I cook a batch of illegal drugs and give half the money to the church, I would also provide further penance by proclaiming a fast for Lent. “No alcohol, or drugs during Lent” I declared. Joani reluctantly agreed, as she still may do with one of my hair brained ideas.

All of Creation

Joani and I had gotten off the mountain and spent a few days in the Tri-Cities. We then headed over to Clarkston, a town on the Idaho border where Joani grew up. I was mesmerized by the place.  Here was the confluence of the Snake and Clearwater rivers. This was the place where Lewis and Clark met on their second journey to the west, in 1805.  You might have picked up that I was very spiritual. I guess if truth be known I also have always been very spiritual, especially since that night in the hay field.

We had a cookie tin under the front seat of our Suburban. We did not have any cookies there; instead it was full of one hundred dollar bills, just one of the byproducts of my entrepreneurial/criminal lifestyle. We had worries but money was not one of them.

We had our dog Riley, the beautiful and friendly Golden Retriever. As we combed the countryside, I was overwhelmed with a sense of destiny, and God’s grace. One day we drove to the top of Rattle Snake Grade. I spotted a huge bald eagle. I had never seen the symbol of our great country, live before. I was amazed as it circled the sky. It seemed to beckon us to follow, and of course we did. He was majestic and I understood the choice of this great bird as our icon to represent freedom. High in the blustery sky he circled, seeming to move toward the south and down the other side of the grade. We drove down the dangerous road toward the Oregon border. I was unconcerned about the road as I watched the eagle draw us into the unfolding valley. We stopped the vehicle and got out. As I think about the majesty of creation I am almost as overwhelmed today as I was then.

The eagle circled in the deep blue sky. As we looked out over this great expanse the beauty of it all and the presence of God’s peace were totally captivating. This woman of mine, my wife was 19 years old and the most gorgeous thing that I had ever seen (she still is). I looked down into the great Grande Ronde River Valley, the sky and all of creation was expressing the love of the Father to me.  I was on a mountain top, both physically and spiritually. We saw God everywhere. We were looking for property and we called a sign that said "Telephone Johnstone". The real estate broker turned out to be an ordained minister who toured us through the area and subtly shared the gospel with us! 

Jesus often instructs me to closely observe creation. I am amazed by the simplicity and the complexity of the whole matter. God continually expresses Himself to humanity through the wonderfully orchestrated natural elements around us. In a sense I knew Him. Now this might contradict your theology, but it is true. We see through a glass darkly. Does a baby know its parents?     

When I think about this I know that He is not far off. God is here, He is not coming here, because He is. The Great I Am is here now. Can’t you feel His presence? Stop and consider Him. The more I consider, and the more I allow His peace into my world, the more grace I experience. I wanted and I want more. I want more of God. I want every particle of my being to resonate with his glory. I am learning to be un-intimidated by what men think. I am becoming less and less religious, being drawn closer to Him.

Then I am confronted by sin. “Oh wretched man that I am!” The author of most of the letters in the New Testament shared our same struggle. But who will deliver me? The Prince of Peace, the King of Glory, the one who paid the price.