People are the Grace Papers

The Apostle Paul wrote “For you are clearly letters of Christ, the fruit of our work, recorded not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in stone, but in hearts of flesh.

Have you ever gotten a letter or a card that really impacted you? I sure have. I recently had a birthday, and it seems like certain people have the ability to communicate with me in a way that impacts me powerfully.  When my wife or my kids remind me of our commitment to one another it stirs my emotions and thanksgiving wells up in my being. For example when my wife writes in a card to me communicating her love, I always cry and when my daughter writes “I have always walked in a certain degree of peace, because I know that you are always there for me”, that strikes the deep chords of my thanksgiving for my family and friends, but most of all for my God. Then there is Andrew my son. We communicate differently, but it blesses me beyond understanding when he reaches out to me. His words are precious to me.

When I look out across the space on the internet and I see the profiles of so many who I partied and “raised hell” with there are so many that have an understanding of this commitment. Not their commitment or my commitment, (which is flawed at best) but Gods commitment to mankind.  

 I want to take this opportunity as I resume my writing, to tell about some living Grace Papers or “letters of Christ”. I have experienced much in my life and most of the richest of these experiences have involved people. I have come to a radical conclusion that people are good. Yes we struggle with sin, being affected by the fall.  I have come to believe that God is good and what He created in his own image is good.

Thus, I am not a sinner saved by grace, but a redeemed man who is restored to his original condition by God’s grace which is defined by the resurrection of Jesus Christ! I challenge the concept of original sin and declare that man is originally good!

Moving on down, let me tell you about a “letter of Christ” who has been a living word to me and my wife Joani for years.  Joani grew up in Clarkston Washington and there was a family that lived down street from her named Kotz. Joani was, and is friends with the family and especially with the middle daughter Theresa. If you followed my blog from the beginning Theresa is in three of the posts, and she plays an important role in my testimony. http://thegracepapers.blogspot.com/2010_05_01_archive.html . It was here and her husband’s apartment where Joani and I had the argument and the police came. Theresa recently told me that night was best thing that ever happened to her and to me as well.  It is amazing how we look at things in the present and we don’t understand. Theresa was also the friend that delivered Joani to her parents to take to church in the post http://thegracepapers.blogspot.com/2010/08/moment-of-definition.html  

Theresa has this gift for showing up in people’s life at a time when they are really in need. The funny thing is that she does not realize how powerfully that she is used by God.  She would and will continually speak of God’s love and the value of people to anyone listening.  

Theresa is flawed, so am I, so are you. She struggles, so do I, so do you. What I love about Theresa is her honesty. She is real. The other thing that I love about her, is watching her and my wife Joani interact. It reminds me of how we are so important to one another, and why we should treasure the relationships that we have in our lives.

She has recently almost magically reappeared in our lives, sent by God to remind me of some very important concepts and lessons that I have learned but obviously need to be reminded of.

God uses my weakness to minister to others. He turns my failures into triumphs for His glory.  The things that I have counted as loss can actually be gain when I commit that to God. Since there is really no failure (and this is the very important lesson) never judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment. In other words I need to learn to see things like God see them. That means especially people. But most of all she is sent to remind me of God’s commitment, and His unfailing love to mankind and specifically to me.

My friends and family constantly convince me of God’s goodness and the fact that He is love!

Thank you God for the card in the mail, the card is named Theresa but You signed it with love

The Mentor

A couple of days later I was out walking the track. There were some bleachers just inside the concrete curbing. There was a black guy sitting there reading. He greeted me so I stopped and talked to him. Pretty soon he said “God wants me to mentor you” I thought “yea right” and began to walk away. I walked about thirty feet I distinctly heard the still small voice say “If you don’t get over your racism right now you will miss what I have for you”


This surrender to Jesus stuff was continuing to turn my world upside down. Thank God that I had the grace to hear and obey. I spent about 35 days with Anthony Chapman, a powerful relational man of God. I consider what he put into me as some of the most important teaching that I have experienced.

I was on my way into the system; he was on the way out. He had served many years and had gotten a miraculous parole. Anthony was very involved in a transformational revival that had shaken San Quinton to the very core. There used to be a plague on the entrance of San Quinton that said “you are now entering the Gates of Hell” Some inmates began to pray and many miracles ushered in a true revival era into the prison.

When I went back, he was laughing. What a teacher I had for my first six weeks of Christianity! There were many benefits to the relationship, one of which I could not see at the time. The prison system in California especially in the south section was very racist. I was persecuted severely for my association with Anthony. He had been a leader in the Black Gorilla Family in San Quinton. There were several prominent gangs in the system and the BGF were, along with the Aryan Brotherhood were the most feared.

Where persecution abounds, so does grace abound much more. I saw many miracles as God’s hand was upon me in a mighty way. The choice was easy for me. I knew God was disciplining me through this man. He was teaching me incredible mountain moving concepts from the bible. There was no way I would turn my back on it, I would die first! This period of persecution engrained into me an incredible boldness that I have carried with me all my Christian life.

A Dream that Warns

That night I lay down reflecting on the events of the day. It had started in Eastern Washington and now I was in Chino California. That in itself was significant but when I reflected on everything else it was almost overwhelming. What really spoke volumes to me was the fact that Hemby had opened that door. There were about a thousand locations in that building, but I had been assigned that particular tier that my friend Hemby just happened to be stationed for that very short period of time. What were the odds? It was off the charts! After the event in my cell in the Asotin County Jail last night, “wait a minute” was that last night? I could hardly believe that only a 24 hour period of time had passed since God had invaded my life. As I remembered the event my reasoning took over and tried to pull me into an arena of unbelief. The event was too incredible to pass off. What had transpired since then was nothing to scoff at either.  I thought about my red bible with Chuck’s note in the front of it. It had been boxed up with my personal property and mailed to Joani’s parent’s house. I hoped that it would be safe, as I knew there was evidence of a life defining moment in that box of personal belongings.

I drifted off into a solid sleep. I had a very vivid dream, so vivid the details are clear after more than 22 years.

I walked up to a door and opened it. As I stepped inside the room I noticed that it was a gymnasium. There was a man in the gym. I knew this man. He was a young man about 18 or 19 who had been in the Asotin county jail with me. While we were in jail together he told me that he had used to be a satan worshiper. In that arena he had even called himself Beelzebub. Jesus had used this proper name to describe the “lord of flies” or the “father of lies”.

In the dream we began to have a conversation and he reached out with one hand and grabbed my left wrist. With the other hand he tried to pull my wedding ring from my finger. I had taken martial arts for a short period of time as a youngster, and I responded with the “wax on, wax off” arm movement made famous in the “Karate Kid” movie. Breaking free I placed a perfect round house kick barely over his head. I could feel his hair on my bare heel as it swooshed powerfully over his skull. I grabbed him by the throat as he fell to the hardwood floor. “Bobby I could take you out right now” I exclaimed to him. “I am not going to, I am telling you, you cannot hurt me nor do anything to me because God is with me!”

I woke up wondering what that was all about. My senses were heightened and I knew that the dream was significant.  I wondered what time Hemby would be in.  After breakfast I went back to my bunk. Shortly thereafter I heard my named called. Along with others, I was being transferred to Chino West. I was disappointed that I would not see Hemby again.

Soon we were taken into a room and shackled, and led onto a bus. We took about 15 or 20 minutes to arrive at the other facility. After sitting on the bus for what seemed like hours, we were taken into a small room with benches. We sat there for a long time, and finally they brought us a sack lunch.

It was hot. The room was packed and it stunk. Finally the offer started calling names. He was gathering inmates for specific housing assignments. At last I heard my name. I was called with about 8 inmates. We were grouped up and the officer began handing out “ducketts”. Ducketts were slips of paper with printed assignments on them. The authorities communicated with inmates in this matter. You received work assignments, doctor appointments and other official communication in this manner. I looked at the slip of paper that contained my bunk location.  I was assigned to sleep in the gym!

What did this mean? Alarms went off in my head. Did the dream preclude this? I started praying under my breath. The thoughts that kept coming were my words in the dream “you can’t hurt me because God is with me”

We were led across the yard. This was a large facility, designed as “White collar crime” facility. It sprawled with about 3 story buildings in a oval that surrounded a running track. There was swimming pool, weights, and tennis courts.  Looking back, the other inmates seemed thankful that they were here. I was just preoccupied with the dream.

As we walked on the paved trail toward the gym, I noticed a group of crows on my left hand side.  As we got closer to their location they suddenly screeched very loud, and flew in front of me very close. I was alarmed as this was a very bad omen.  The words kept coming back to me, “you can’t hurt me because God is with me”.

We walked into the gym. It was hot and packed with people. There were rows and rows of bunks. Due to the overcrowding of the system every available space was used to house inmates. There was a podium set up on the stage and an officer was making announcements. I heard a greeting, and I turned to see a group of young Hispanics gathered around a bunk set.

“Hey homeboy, where have you been?” I believed that I was hearing the voice of a friend. I turned and walked toward the bunk. As the man rose up from the bed, his  countenance turned extremely ugly. Fear tried to grip me, but I kept hearing me own words, “you can’t hurt me because God is with me” I wonder now if David heard similar word as he faced Goliath.

I looked at the crowd.  The man who was speaking asked me to let him see my wedding ring.  No I said. He responded that he would buy it. I stood firm. He then grabbed my wrist, and attempted to pull my ring off.  I broke the hold in the same manner that I had in the dream. He responded “we will stab you and take it then” Bold as a lion I responded “The only way that you will get my ring is to take it off my dead body!, besides you can’t hurt me because God is with me”  

I looked him in the eyes the whole time, and my stare had become even more adamant. I heard the voices around me “wow dude you better leave him alone” and “he has the heart of a gunslinger!”

“No, I have the heart of a child of God”  

   

God knows your name, and exactly where you are.

I was instructed to sit in the hall on the floor with a group of inmates. I barely sat down and a man about 50 looked at me and said “you have great faith would you pray for me”


I didn’t think that I had great faith, but I did know that God had forgiven me and that when I had acknowledged Jesus peace and trust flowed into my being. I prayed for him, not giving a second thought to the other prisoners who were staring at me like I was nuts.

Soon I was given a slip of paper with some letters and a number on it. I learned that this was a bunk assignment. I was instructed to keep my left shoulder on the wall as I walked down the corridor to my tier. This place was huge, and it was dismal. Many stories high and drab, noise emitted from the halls of grief. I located the tier climbed the stairs and found the door that I was to go through. I was overwhelmed with the size of this place. How many people were there? Ten thousand, or twenty thousand, maybe lots more? I must have walked a mile down the hall, and observed thirty or forty sections that had five floors and a dozen tiers on each floor. This place was huge, and it was dark. I started to worry as I could imagine all the evil that was lurking confined in the system.

I knocked on the door, and heard the familiar sound of jailer’s keys rattling and turning the lock. The door swung open, I was apprehensive to say the least. As the door opened wide I heard a voice exclaim. “Laney!! I never thought I would see you again”

I looked into the face of Officer Hemby. Hemby was about six foot 5 and weighed in at about 300 pounds. He was an ex professional football player who was a prison guard at CMC in San Luis Obispo where I had done my time. I said “everything is different Hemby, I got saved” He wrapped his massive arms around me lifting me off the ground for only an instant. Quickly he set me down and wiped the tears from his dark ebony face. Looking to the right and the left he observed that his spontaneous act of love had not been noticed. I knew in that instant of time that he had invested much prayer into me.

Later as I sat on my bunk, I was awestruck with the odds at what had just happened. Hemby, I had learned was there at receiving for a couple of days. He had received a promotion to become a parole officer in Los Angeles and would take his new position that week. Of all the doors that I could have been sent to, and of all the days that he would be here, it was here and now. I was, and am overwhelmed by God’s love.

Now is the time Today is the day!

I believe that we live in a present tense reality of the Kingdom of God. It is never too late to turn around and start a journey into the miraculous! My testimony speaks of this on many levels. This is speaking to someone today and that you will realize how much God loves you and that He has given you the desires that reside in your heart. Now walk it out!


We arrived in LA and I was transported to Chino to the California Penal Authority Receiving Center. What a contrast. I had just experienced the favor of God and being treated as one of his children and now it seemed that I was being immersed into darkness. The room was dismal, but that did not compare with the attitude of the Hispanic Office who was checking me in. He screamed at the other officers and inmates intimidating all who he connected with.

Undaunted I looked at the man. “What in the world is wrong?” I said to him. “I have a splitting headache” he almost screamed at me. “Sit down” I said motioning to the chair. He looked at me in a very aggressive way, then looking down at the chair he sat down.

I began to wonder what in the world was I doing? Had I lost my mind? I spoke again “Close your eyes, think of a place by a lake. The water is still and the grass is green. There are a few clouds in the sky, but the temperature is perfect and there is a real sense of God’s peace. Now let everything that is bothering you go.” I was startled that I had done this! I just had told the receiving officer in the penal system to “sit down!” I prayed under my breath. He opened his eyes and smiled at me! “Wow” he said I feel better!

He immediately went back into his professional demeanor, not wanting to make a show of anything. This happened in front of other inmates and officers.

I was amazed that I had done this and by the results!

The Beginning of the Miraculous

The next morning came early. I heard the jailer rattling his keys as he walked down the tier to my cell. He handed me my “street clothes” and I headed off to the shower. I was filled with anticipation, but I was not sure of what. Above all there was a profound sense of trust and love for God. I showered, washing my hair with soap, got dressed and proceeded to “the window”.


As the jailer opened the door, I noticed that there were two Hispanic men in a different uniform than the police. The older of the two men spoke “you are lucky! Last week we had 12 prisoners and we drove them in a van to Los Angeles. This week you are the only one. We are driving to Portland and flying to LA” “Praise God” I shouted. These words would almost become a trademark for me, and to my knowledge this was the first time that I exclaimed them in that manner. “Are you a Christian?” he asked. I replied that I had just gotten saved. I was securely shackled as the paperwork was completed, and then we went to the door of the secured garage. The older gentleman was named Trevino was a large man and he led me to the back door of the van. His partner was skinny and much younger; both men were armed with pistols.

I was placed in the back of the van and off we went headed toward Portland and eventually Los Angeles. After only a few a blocks Trevino who was driving said something inaudible to his partner, and he pulled the van into the Circle K on Bridge Street. I was immediately suspicious as this whole business of being transported by contractors was strange. Trevino pulled the van over jumped out and came around to the passenger side. Opening the door he said “get out”. Now I was really suspicious, but I exited the secure van. Reaching in his pocket and grabbing the handcuff keys, he took the shackles off of me. His partner protested but he did it anyway. He then handed me a ten dollar bill and told me to go into the store and get anything I wanted. “Can I get cigarettes?” he affirmed and amazed I walked into the store like a free man and bought me some chocolate milk, food and cigarettes.

The younger guy was a nervous wreck. Trevino kept reassuring him everything was going to be fine. Trevino then told me to grab a crate and put it between the front seats on their side of the cage. He said “I am going to preach to you all the way to Portland!”

The young guy kept fingering his gun, Trevino just laughed at him, as he told me his testimony of God’s love. We drove to Portland and he asked where I wanted to eat. We ended up eating at Elmer’s in my old neighborhood. I thought about how easy it would have been to get away and escape to a friend’s house.

The Moment of Definition

I was bewildered; I had fully expected a miracle. From the small jail cell, I reflected on the last couple of weeks. I felt disappointed and abandoned by God. I had received a letter from Joani’s aunt, the Pentecostal Ministers wife. In the letter she had exclaimed “there is only one thing left for you to do, surrender to the Lord Jesus Christ!” When I read those words I knew that she was right. I dropped to my knees on the concrete floor. I remember distinctly praying and asking God to forgive me and to save me. When I got up and sat on the small bed I suddenly wanted to read the state issued bible on the table. I opened the Bible randomly and read these words in red He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. As I reflected on these words I had the distinct feeling that God was telling me to waive extradition.


I had a parole hold from the State of California, where I had absconded my commitment. I was concerned to say the least as we had left a drug lab in the garage of our home on Mount Hood. If I was caught it could mean a long time in jail. I had planned on fighting the extradition processes, as my parole violation was based on a misdemeanor. I was now considering waiving the process and voluntarily going back to the penitentiary and facing the parole board. “This is crazy” I thought. But I reconsidered the words that I had read. “he that loseth his life for My sake shall find it.” I was only into this “surrender to Jesus” stuff for about five minutes, already He was turning my world upside down. I could not deny that I had a distinct knowing that God wanted me to waive the extradition.

Maybe when I “lost my life” and waived my rights, I would be set free by the Judge! On my next court appearance I promptly told the Judge that I would waive extradition and gladly go back to California. The Judge promptly ordered me shipped to California to face the parole board. Wow this was not what I expected. I was shackled and taken to the police car. I began to hear the voice of the accuser “God does not care about you, you fool, now you will be in jail a long time. That’s what you get for trying to follow God” and on and on. By the time the cruiser was out on the highway I was fuming. I flew into a rage and started kicking the widows and the cage in between me and the police officer. The officer drove to the jail at over 100 miles an hour. By the time he pulled into the secure cage I was calmed down.

Several weeks passed. I wondered when they would take me to California. Other prisoners had been transported during the time and it all seemed very strange to me. Meanwhile I tried to draw close to God. I read the bible and a book by Oral Roberts that was in the jail library. I also sang and modified songs that I knew into worship. And I worried. I knew if the authorities found that lab I was gone.

On Monday March 12th 1988 I got word that I would be transported to California by a private contractor on Wednesday the 14th. I really worried now. I had never heard of a private contractor moving prisoners. I believed that it may be a conspiracy. I called Joani’s uncle Glenn for prayer and looked for verses on trust.

Tuesday evening a trustee, named Charles who had befriended me brought me two cups of coffee and a Bible. He left and went on his rounds and I drank the coffee, reflecting on the small acts of kindness the man had shown me. I looked at the Bible. It was a red paperback King James Bible. I looked at it, and I wondered if I had lost my mind. Turning it over I opened it to the title page and I noticed that Charles had written a note in the page.

It was simple, nothing fancy only encouraging me to keep praying and believing. But when I read that note I thought “that man is a convict, but he loves me”. I was amazed and wondered how could this be? Suddenly my whole being was energized and I began to tremble. I felt a warmth flood through my body and the tremble became an almost violent shaking. I fell in the floor as I wondered if I was dying! I realized this felt wonderful and it had to be good, and it had to be God! I lay on the cold hard concrete for about thirty minutes. My body was shaking and I was too weak get up.

When I did get up I was full of joy as I was assured that God had indeed touched me in an incredible way. I called for the door and asked if I could have a phone call. An officer came down the hall his keys rattling, and he opened the door. I headed to the pay phone and called my wife Joani at her parent’s house. “You won’t believe what happened to me” I said. She said “no! You won’t believe what happened to me!”

It seems that one of her friends came by and told her on no uncertain terms that she needed to go to church. Her friend then proceeded to take her to the friend’s parent’s house who took Joani to church. She was there in the church; the preacher in the middle of his message stopped and looked at her. “You are married” he exclaimed. Joani began to weep. He continued “everything looks out of control, but God is in complete control, He is going to save your husband and do it in a way that you will know that he is saved. God is going to use you both in a mighty way for his glory”

I was amazed. I was overjoyed that God had singled us out in that way.